Soapbox: Have you ever known fear?

By Arnia Kiara Oosthuizen

Have you ever woken up several times per night in cold sweat? Having dreams of being killed by the one person you feared most?

Why is Millenium Lady on her soapbox again? Because August is the month of Women Rights. Yes, this is a huge issue and a very relevant campaign that is creating awareness about women all over the world, who do not have rights or their rights aren't respected.

This was me a few years ago, when my biological dad was still present in my life. I knew how to walk on egg shells, just to not start a fight. Just to keep the peace. Just to remain in one piece. I was between 12 and 15 years old when I already knew these skills. Sad for a young teen to live a life like this. December the 6th, 2008, was the day when I said enough...

But this is the hard and cold reality. Domestic violence exists! Emotional manipulation exists! Verbal and physical abuse exists!

Marinda and me

This photo was taken at the age of two or three. We have been friends for literally our WHOLE lives. Our dads had the same personality... The verbal and emotional abuse was always a factor. Did we know it at the time? NO! We were still children, just trying to have a normal childhood.

I remember how I constantly lived in fear when visiting my dad every other weekend and everyday after school. Always wondering when the next fight will be, what it will be about and how bad will the fight be.

As a child, you always believe that your parents are perfect and you are the princess, but then you realize it was an illusion. That first time your biological father pulls out the gun, that first time he hits you, that first time when he grabs your stepmother around the neck... Yes, that is when you realize it was just an illusion. Your parents are just people. Normal and sometimes crazy.

But abuse is not okay! Whether it is verbal, emotional or physical... Never will it be okay! Not from a beggar, parent or the fucking king! Never! But YOU have to stand up. YOU have to say ENOUGH! The situation won't change unless YOU change it. The person won't ever change. A leopard never changes its spots.

My heart goes out to everyone stuck in a situation like this, but YOU have to do something! YOU HAVE TO! We as women have rights and we should use them.

Previous posts on the subject:

Soapbox about abuse and relationships
What is abuse?

It is not normal to live in fear. It is not normal to wake up in cold sweat. The normal life should be where you are excited to spend time with your family. Where there is only love and happiness. Where abuse is only a rumor and things you read about in history books.

Women's rights in the month of August

By Arnia Kiara Oosthuizen

So if you haven't noticed, the month of August has crept up on us like a mouse wearing socks. Only four months 'til the end of the year... scary thought. But the month of August has a great significance to me and many other women around the world. It is the month of Women Rights.
On the 9th, we have Women's Day and is a public holiday.
On the 9th of August, 1956, women marched for their rights here in South-Africa. They marched to gain their right to vote, to be considered equal. Now, if you think all women are considered as equal, please watch this video:

The video of a Saudi Arabian woman, who does not have 'Women Rights'. Please note the video is graphic and can be offensive to sensitive viewers.

At the end of the video she pleas for help. For her. For other women. Because it can't go on like this! Women need to be seen as people and not as property, who you can beat up as you please. NO! We are equal in each and every way to a man.

Yes, I am a feminist and I will be one until everyone has equal rights and are seen as equal! Then I will be a normal woman, but for now I am a feminist.

Women should unite. Help one another when you know something is wrong. We are strong! Stronger than you can imagine.

I know about abuse, because I was also subjected to it by my biological father. I know how it feels to be powerless and to be afraid for your own life. But the responsibility of the extent of the abuse, does not only lie with the abuser, but with you and how much you will allow until you say: ENOUGH!

Previous blog posts about abuse and tips on how to handle it:

• Soapbox about abuse and relationships
• What is abuse?

A woman's rights doesn't end in August, it should be everlasting. Women should help one another and unite. Help a friend out if you see them struggling and be a shoulder to cry on.