Soapbox: Have you ever known fear?

By Arnia Kiara Oosthuizen

Have you ever woken up several times per night in cold sweat? Having dreams of being killed by the one person you feared most?

Why is Millenium Lady on her soapbox again? Because August is the month of Women Rights. Yes, this is a huge issue and a very relevant campaign that is creating awareness about women all over the world, who do not have rights or their rights aren't respected.

This was me a few years ago, when my biological dad was still present in my life. I knew how to walk on egg shells, just to not start a fight. Just to keep the peace. Just to remain in one piece. I was between 12 and 15 years old when I already knew these skills. Sad for a young teen to live a life like this. December the 6th, 2008, was the day when I said enough...

But this is the hard and cold reality. Domestic violence exists! Emotional manipulation exists! Verbal and physical abuse exists!

Marinda and me

This photo was taken at the age of two or three. We have been friends for literally our WHOLE lives. Our dads had the same personality... The verbal and emotional abuse was always a factor. Did we know it at the time? NO! We were still children, just trying to have a normal childhood.

I remember how I constantly lived in fear when visiting my dad every other weekend and everyday after school. Always wondering when the next fight will be, what it will be about and how bad will the fight be.

As a child, you always believe that your parents are perfect and you are the princess, but then you realize it was an illusion. That first time your biological father pulls out the gun, that first time he hits you, that first time when he grabs your stepmother around the neck... Yes, that is when you realize it was just an illusion. Your parents are just people. Normal and sometimes crazy.

But abuse is not okay! Whether it is verbal, emotional or physical... Never will it be okay! Not from a beggar, parent or the fucking king! Never! But YOU have to stand up. YOU have to say ENOUGH! The situation won't change unless YOU change it. The person won't ever change. A leopard never changes its spots.

My heart goes out to everyone stuck in a situation like this, but YOU have to do something! YOU HAVE TO! We as women have rights and we should use them.

Previous posts on the subject:

Soapbox about abuse and relationships
What is abuse?

It is not normal to live in fear. It is not normal to wake up in cold sweat. The normal life should be where you are excited to spend time with your family. Where there is only love and happiness. Where abuse is only a rumor and things you read about in history books.

Day 3: One of my greatest fears

By Arnia Kiara Oosthuizen

Today is day 3 of the #writersbootcampZA and the challenge is to write about One of my greatest fears. The challenge was given last night at 6 pm, since then I have done a bit of introspection about my greatest fears and which one stands out. Now, like I have mentioned on day 1, my big fear is the dark, but it is not my GREATEST FEAR!

My greatest fear is the fear of being MEDIOCRE

I don't want to be the girl in the crowd, who no one notices and just walks past without thinking or looking twice. I want the people to look, walk on and have the urge to just look back. 

I have always been afraid of being mediocre/normal/plain/unnoticeable and not being remembered.... I always had to do things to make me stand out from the crowd, to show that I am better. 

I have always imagined myself having an exotic job and an exotic life with a man who fits into the lifestyle with me. It can still come true, because I still have my whole life in front of me. I just have to dream big and everything I do, must be towards my goal. But yes, I am afraid of ending up behind a desk and no one even knows my name. I have this picture in my head, where I walk to the office next to me and I ask them a favor and they reply: "Sorry, but who are you?" I think I would die right there. 

I want to be the type of person you meet and afterwards you can't stop talking about how cool I am or how I have changed your perspective about things. I just want to be remembered. Am I crazy for feeling like this? 

I don't want to lead a normal life and I most certainly don't want to be normal. Yes, that is my greatest fear.