Do you even know what feminism means?

By Arnia Kiara Oosthuizen

I got quite upset, when I had a conversation the other day with a woman. The conversation was about how she preferred female doctors, dentists, etc. An then into the mix she threw in the phrase:
"But I am not a feminist."

I then asked her what she means by that. She said that she meant that she doesn't hate men. I then had to educate her that feminism is not man-hating. It is simply about women seeking equal rights to men.

Here is the definition: Feminism (Concise Oxford English Dictionary, 2011: 522): "The advocacy of women's rights on the grounds of sexual equality".
Usually, when people say they are feminists, it gets linked to man-hating. But quite frankly, I like men a lot. A LOT! If this doesn't make sense, here is a picture:

This is what feminists are fighting for

I am a feminist, because:

• I believe I should earn the same money as a man doing the same work as me.

NOT THIS!

THIS!

• I believe that children can be raised to be literally ANYTHING they want to be, even if my son wants to be a ballerina. 
• I believe there are no gender roles, for example, women belong in the kitchen. (BULL!)
• I can do anything a man can.
• I believe it is fine if a boy wants to cry and it is fine if he is in touch with emotions.
• I believe a girl can play with cars and become a mechanic if she wants to.
• I believe in gender equality, in each and every aspect. 

I only recently discovered that there is a word for how I felt, when ladies complained that men don't open doors for them, but they won't do it for the men. It infuriated me. If you are not willing to open doors for men, why should they open it for you? I even open doors for girls, it's called common decency. 

It infuriates me when women, who are promiscuous are seen as sluts, whores, or whatever other names there are, but men are seen as legends.

But it it doesn't help talking about it and not doing anything about it. We should be the change we want to see. We should be the difference. We should raise our kids to be blind to race, so racism will be a thing of the past. We should raise them to become anything, because we never laughed at their ideas if they wanted to become something that is not according to their gender. WE should let them wear anything and play with anything they choose. We should let boys cry and girls be able to be strong or any way they choose to be! This is how we will reach gender equality. Women and men can be feminists, if you believe in gender equality. Please watch this video of Emma Watson launching the He For She campaign.

“How important it is for us to recognize and celebrate our heroes and she-roes!”
― Maya Angelou

“We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters.”
― Gloria Steinem

I am a Feminist.

By Arnia Kiara Oosthuizen

Feminism (Concise Oxford English Dictionary, 2011: 522): "The advocacy of women's rights on the grounds of sexual equality".
Usually, when people say they are feminists, it gets linked to man-hating. But quite frankly, I like men a lot.

I am a feminist, because:

• I believe I should earn the same money as a man doing the same work as me
• I believe that children can be raised to be literally ANYTHING they want to be, even if my son wants to be a ballerina. 
• I believe there are no gender roles, for example, women belong in the kitchen. (BULL!)
• I can do anything a man can.
• I believe it is fine if a boy wants to cry and it is fine if he is in touch with emotions.
• I believe a girl can play with cars and become a mechanic if she wants to.
• I believe in gender equality, in each and every aspect. 

I only recently discovered that there is a word for how I felt, when ladies complained that men don't open doors for them, but they won't do it for the men. It infuriated me. If you are not willing to open doors for men, why should they open it for you? I even open doors for girls, it's called common decency. 

It infuriates me when women, who are promiscuous are seen as sluts, whores, or whatever other names there are, but men are seen as legends.

But it it doesn't help talking about it and not doing anything about it. We should be the change we want to see. We should be the difference. We should raise our kids to be blind to race, so racism will be a thing of the past. We should raise them to become anything, because we never laughed at their ideas if they wanted to become something that is not according to their gender. WE should let them wear anything and play with anything they choose. We should let boys cry and girls be able to be strong or any way they choose to be! This is how we will reach gender equality. Women and men can be feminists, if you believe in gender equality. Please watch this video of Emma Watson launching the He For She campaign. 

If you cannot see the video please click here. 

She is one amazing woman, and I hope she accomplishes everything that she wants. I believe she will make a big difference. 

Are you a feminist? If not, why? I would love to hear your thoughts about this.

Soapbox: Have you ever known fear?

By Arnia Kiara Oosthuizen

Have you ever woken up several times per night in cold sweat? Having dreams of being killed by the one person you feared most?

Why is Millenium Lady on her soapbox again? Because August is the month of Women Rights. Yes, this is a huge issue and a very relevant campaign that is creating awareness about women all over the world, who do not have rights or their rights aren't respected.

This was me a few years ago, when my biological dad was still present in my life. I knew how to walk on egg shells, just to not start a fight. Just to keep the peace. Just to remain in one piece. I was between 12 and 15 years old when I already knew these skills. Sad for a young teen to live a life like this. December the 6th, 2008, was the day when I said enough...

But this is the hard and cold reality. Domestic violence exists! Emotional manipulation exists! Verbal and physical abuse exists!

Marinda and me

This photo was taken at the age of two or three. We have been friends for literally our WHOLE lives. Our dads had the same personality... The verbal and emotional abuse was always a factor. Did we know it at the time? NO! We were still children, just trying to have a normal childhood.

I remember how I constantly lived in fear when visiting my dad every other weekend and everyday after school. Always wondering when the next fight will be, what it will be about and how bad will the fight be.

As a child, you always believe that your parents are perfect and you are the princess, but then you realize it was an illusion. That first time your biological father pulls out the gun, that first time he hits you, that first time when he grabs your stepmother around the neck... Yes, that is when you realize it was just an illusion. Your parents are just people. Normal and sometimes crazy.

But abuse is not okay! Whether it is verbal, emotional or physical... Never will it be okay! Not from a beggar, parent or the fucking king! Never! But YOU have to stand up. YOU have to say ENOUGH! The situation won't change unless YOU change it. The person won't ever change. A leopard never changes its spots.

My heart goes out to everyone stuck in a situation like this, but YOU have to do something! YOU HAVE TO! We as women have rights and we should use them.

Previous posts on the subject:

Soapbox about abuse and relationships
What is abuse?

It is not normal to live in fear. It is not normal to wake up in cold sweat. The normal life should be where you are excited to spend time with your family. Where there is only love and happiness. Where abuse is only a rumor and things you read about in history books.

Women's rights in the month of August

By Arnia Kiara Oosthuizen

So if you haven't noticed, the month of August has crept up on us like a mouse wearing socks. Only four months 'til the end of the year... scary thought. But the month of August has a great significance to me and many other women around the world. It is the month of Women Rights.
On the 9th, we have Women's Day and is a public holiday.
On the 9th of August, 1956, women marched for their rights here in South-Africa. They marched to gain their right to vote, to be considered equal. Now, if you think all women are considered as equal, please watch this video:

The video of a Saudi Arabian woman, who does not have 'Women Rights'. Please note the video is graphic and can be offensive to sensitive viewers.

At the end of the video she pleas for help. For her. For other women. Because it can't go on like this! Women need to be seen as people and not as property, who you can beat up as you please. NO! We are equal in each and every way to a man.

Yes, I am a feminist and I will be one until everyone has equal rights and are seen as equal! Then I will be a normal woman, but for now I am a feminist.

Women should unite. Help one another when you know something is wrong. We are strong! Stronger than you can imagine.

I know about abuse, because I was also subjected to it by my biological father. I know how it feels to be powerless and to be afraid for your own life. But the responsibility of the extent of the abuse, does not only lie with the abuser, but with you and how much you will allow until you say: ENOUGH!

Previous blog posts about abuse and tips on how to handle it:

• Soapbox about abuse and relationships
• What is abuse?

A woman's rights doesn't end in August, it should be everlasting. Women should help one another and unite. Help a friend out if you see them struggling and be a shoulder to cry on.