Soapbox: Have you ever known fear?

By Arnia Kiara Oosthuizen

Have you ever woken up several times per night in cold sweat? Having dreams of being killed by the one person you feared most?

Why is Millenium Lady on her soapbox again? Because August is the month of Women Rights. Yes, this is a huge issue and a very relevant campaign that is creating awareness about women all over the world, who do not have rights or their rights aren't respected.

This was me a few years ago, when my biological dad was still present in my life. I knew how to walk on egg shells, just to not start a fight. Just to keep the peace. Just to remain in one piece. I was between 12 and 15 years old when I already knew these skills. Sad for a young teen to live a life like this. December the 6th, 2008, was the day when I said enough...

But this is the hard and cold reality. Domestic violence exists! Emotional manipulation exists! Verbal and physical abuse exists!

Marinda and me

This photo was taken at the age of two or three. We have been friends for literally our WHOLE lives. Our dads had the same personality... The verbal and emotional abuse was always a factor. Did we know it at the time? NO! We were still children, just trying to have a normal childhood.

I remember how I constantly lived in fear when visiting my dad every other weekend and everyday after school. Always wondering when the next fight will be, what it will be about and how bad will the fight be.

As a child, you always believe that your parents are perfect and you are the princess, but then you realize it was an illusion. That first time your biological father pulls out the gun, that first time he hits you, that first time when he grabs your stepmother around the neck... Yes, that is when you realize it was just an illusion. Your parents are just people. Normal and sometimes crazy.

But abuse is not okay! Whether it is verbal, emotional or physical... Never will it be okay! Not from a beggar, parent or the fucking king! Never! But YOU have to stand up. YOU have to say ENOUGH! The situation won't change unless YOU change it. The person won't ever change. A leopard never changes its spots.

My heart goes out to everyone stuck in a situation like this, but YOU have to do something! YOU HAVE TO! We as women have rights and we should use them.

Previous posts on the subject:

Soapbox about abuse and relationships
What is abuse?

It is not normal to live in fear. It is not normal to wake up in cold sweat. The normal life should be where you are excited to spend time with your family. Where there is only love and happiness. Where abuse is only a rumor and things you read about in history books.

Feeling like a broken toy

By Arnia Kiara Oosthuizen

As I have mentioned before in a previous blog post, I struggle with stut-stut-stuttering.

Super Girl

Recently, my stuttering started up again. My stuttering is stress-related and I believe it started again after my vacation job at a shoe shop. The job was stressful in its own way, with a boss who was very demanding and she worked on every wrong nerve there is.

I hate it when I stutter (well, who doesn't?), because people sometimes lack patience when I start to stutter and will lose interest in what I'm about to say. Sometimes I want to tell people something, but decide against it, because I stutter. I REALLY HATE TO STUTTER! I feel like a broken toy.

Every rose has its thorn. Mine is stuttering. I once met this beautiful girl, but she was like drop-dead-gorgeous and she had the best personality anyone could ask for, but her thorn was that her IQ was so low, she struggled to pass in school. She is an inspiration to me, because she now owns her own beauty salon and she is doing well for herself.

Every time, I start stuttering again, I try to think of everything my speech therapists have taught me. Yes, it works sometimes, but mostly I have to take a deep breath and try again.

There are different types of stuttering. Some people stutter on sounds, some on words and like me, on sentences. Yes, a person can stutter on sentences. I'm one of those.

There are also different triggers for stuttering. Mine is stress-related and will come and go. Other people stutter permanently.

It is not easy to be a stutterer, but everyone has to embrace their thorn and make it part of their self-confidence. I am Super Girl. Nothing will get me down, not even my stuttering.

What is your thorn?

2013 in review

By Arnia Kiara Oosthuizen




1. What did you do in 2013 that you’d never done before?

I have changed my style in clothes


2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?


Yes, one. I wanted to get better grades at university and I did!


3. How did you spend New Year’s Eve?

With one of my best friends, Melanie, at the Vaal River!


4. Did anyone close to you die?

Luckily not.


5. What countries did you visit?


None, I was in South Africa the whole time, but 2014 will have a different answer :)


6. What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013?


Better relationships with friends, guys and family


7. What date from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?


February 16, I decided to end a relationship, because it was holding me back from my bigger dreams.


8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I learned to say no and I also got better grades than 2012.


9. What was your biggest failure?


Letting the wrong people be part of my life, when I should've spent more time with the right ones...


10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Yes, I slammed the car door shut on my finger. Took 6 months for it to recover.


11. What was the best thing you bought?


My gorgeous, blue Mica hair straightner


12. Where did most of your money go?

Sushi and buying groceries.


13. What song will always remind you of 2013?


Wake me up-Avicii


14. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Exercised and I wish I had more adventures


15. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Loathed


16. What were your favourite TV shows?

Vampire diaries, The originals, Reign, Game of thrones


17. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?


Hate is a strong word, I just dislike them very much...


18. What was the best book you read?


The Help from Katheryn Stockett


19. What was your greatest musical discovery?


Dans dans lisa (An Afrikaans band), Imagine dragons, Ed Sheeran


20. What was your favourite film of this year?


Monsters university and The heat


21. What did you do on your birthday?


I spent it with great friends at an Irish pub, Brazenhead and the next day with family.


22. What kept you sane?


Music, great friends, good times and my awesome family



23. Who did you miss?


My uncle, Anton and Aunt, Ronel, living in the UK and my other uncle, Wynand, living in Texas.


24. Who was the best new person you met?

Mmm, I don't know?


25. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013:

• Happiness is an inside job 
• No is no.

My expectations and experiences of dating

By Arnia Kiara Oosthuizen

Source unknown

This song of Natasha Beddingfield- Frogs and princes, perfectly described my experiences and expectations in the dating world.
Here are the lyrics:

"Frogs & Princes"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fW8Fs6XEr-o

The in and out of dating got me all confused
I built up expectations and I'm feeling used
Seems that everybody's into fast food,
Everybody's into quick
I want some one to take the time fine dining not rushing

Now it's nearly 7:30, I'm slipping on a dress
I keep my fingers crossed, you're not like all the rest,
So when you come to pick me up come right to my door
Don't stay in your car and beep beep the horn

Baby I'm a hopeless romantic
You pick the sounds for the background to our drive into town
Baby don't be one of the traffic
Had too many nights with the wrong guys
Caught me at red lights

Tell me how many frogs do I have to kiss
Before I find my prince, before I find my prince
All you girls that are going through this
Tell 'em how it is, tell 'em how it is

Pull up to a premire, red carpet good
You take my coat, get my chair, like I hoped you would
You're funny and your flirting is really working for me
But where it goes from here
Better wait and see

Baby I'm a hopeless romantic
You pick the view to kiss to
Make me go ooo ooo
And baby it'll all turn out tragic
And you'll push for more
Back at my front door
More than I'm ready for

Tell me how many frogs do I have to kiss
Before I find my prince, before I find my prince
All you girls that are going through this
Tell 'em how it is, tell 'em how it is

Tell me how many frogs do I have to kiss
Before I find my prince, before I find my prince
All you girls that are going through this
Tell 'em how it is, tell 'em how it is

You gotta tip the waiter, that's how it works
You cant skip the starter and go straight to desert
You've gotta pop the cork before you taste the wine

is woah,
We get hooked up but the shame is
Too much connection followed by rejections
Gonna hurt a girl 'til she learns her lesson

Tell me how many frogs do I have to kiss
Before I find my prince, before I find my prince
All you girls that are going through this
Tell 'em how it is, tell 'em how it is

Tell me how many frogs do I have to kiss
Before I find my prince, before I find my prince
All you girls that are going through this
Tell 'em how it is, tell 'em how it is

Oh, yeah yeah

Please feel free to leave a comment :)

Bullying never stops

By Arnia Kiara Oosthuizen

The wall of love in Paris, France.

Even as a 20 year old, I still experience bullying from people who believe they are better than the rest.

I stutter when I am stressed or in difficult situations. When I was in primary school, kids used to tease and bully me. The teachers came to my rescue and told the kids to stop.
But how long can teachers fend for a kid?

Looking back, I should've stood up for myself and not have been ashamed of stuttering. I should have ignored them or laughed at them for teasing me, because they are pathetic.

Bullying still happens. It happens in the form of seniors trying to degrade the self worth of first year students, through initiation in the hostel. It is absolutely disgusting and sad that they would lower themselves to that level. When I was a first year, the House Committee teased me because I stuttered. I had a little chat with them and they stopped.

What gain does one get to be the bully? Do you feel better about your sad life? Does it boost your self image? I will never understand it.

I believe if you consider yourself a good person, you should never look down on someone, unless you are helping them up.

Please feel free to leave a comment :)

The things that university guides will never teach you

By Arnia Kiara Oosthuizen

I am a third and final year Communication student and in my 3 years at university, I have learned some things. There is no guide on what to expect when going to university, you sometimes have to learn by falling face first in the ground and then learn how to stand on your own two feet again.

I asked some friends and family to contribute with the things that they have learned at university, as well. Here is the list:

1. Nobody cares about the marks you got in high school, you are at university which means you are clever. (Jana) 
2. You learn that school was fun and games (Ruan)
3. Hard work really pays off (Ruan)
4. You learn to social (Ronel)
5. You also meet your best friends and who the people are that is always there for you (Ronel & Ruan)
6. You realize what subjects you really love, but still have to have the bad ones with it. (Karen)
7. Nobody cares, but if you find someone that does care: HOLD ON! (Ena)
8. It's the experiences that teaches you something at the end of the day (Mart-Mari)
9. There is no degree like a spine. Just keep on going and finish! (Ronel)
10. You'll learn dressing up is cool.(See photos above)
11. It is every man for themselves. No one will buy you free drinks, unfortunately.
12. Having a bucket list is necessary!
13. Know the titles of your lecturers, for example Dr. Blah Blah. They believe that their titles has contributed to society and they are utterly important. 
14. Alcohol is a solution. Scientifically speaking.
15. Fitting in is so 'high school' ago.
16. Yeah, it sucks doing the laundry, the dishes, making your own food and cleaning the house. Your parents are actually cool.
17. Alcohol resolves everything, except your problems. 
18. Time is precious and you should use it wisely.
19. Falling in love is not easy. But it's even harder to fall on the pavement.
20. You'll learn to eat 2 minute noodles in a thousand ways. 
21. You measure the cost of everything, by the amount of drinks you could have bought. 
22. 50% is the new 80%. Plot twist: You're not as smart as you thought.
23. Procrastination teaches you that you can do amazing things within a few hours. 
24. Cheating in tests and projects is not so cool or smart, it just shows that you're an idiot and will earn you no respect from your 'friends'.
25. Wearing pajamas is totally acceptable clothes to wear on campus, except if you have a onesie; wear that instead.
26. First years are recognizable by the fact that they try to look good at 8 in the mornings. You give up after a year.
27. Do stupid things! You won't get the chance again, because responsibility starts after university.
28. You are only young once. Carpe Diem. YOLO! Enjoy university life and stop worrying!

These are the things that my family, friends and I have learned in our university journeys. If you have learned some other things; please share them!

This is the official 101 guide to university!