Soapbox: Have you ever known fear?

By Arnia Kiara Oosthuizen

Have you ever woken up several times per night in cold sweat? Having dreams of being killed by the one person you feared most?

Why is Millenium Lady on her soapbox again? Because August is the month of Women Rights. Yes, this is a huge issue and a very relevant campaign that is creating awareness about women all over the world, who do not have rights or their rights aren't respected.

This was me a few years ago, when my biological dad was still present in my life. I knew how to walk on egg shells, just to not start a fight. Just to keep the peace. Just to remain in one piece. I was between 12 and 15 years old when I already knew these skills. Sad for a young teen to live a life like this. December the 6th, 2008, was the day when I said enough...

But this is the hard and cold reality. Domestic violence exists! Emotional manipulation exists! Verbal and physical abuse exists!

Marinda and me

This photo was taken at the age of two or three. We have been friends for literally our WHOLE lives. Our dads had the same personality... The verbal and emotional abuse was always a factor. Did we know it at the time? NO! We were still children, just trying to have a normal childhood.

I remember how I constantly lived in fear when visiting my dad every other weekend and everyday after school. Always wondering when the next fight will be, what it will be about and how bad will the fight be.

As a child, you always believe that your parents are perfect and you are the princess, but then you realize it was an illusion. That first time your biological father pulls out the gun, that first time he hits you, that first time when he grabs your stepmother around the neck... Yes, that is when you realize it was just an illusion. Your parents are just people. Normal and sometimes crazy.

But abuse is not okay! Whether it is verbal, emotional or physical... Never will it be okay! Not from a beggar, parent or the fucking king! Never! But YOU have to stand up. YOU have to say ENOUGH! The situation won't change unless YOU change it. The person won't ever change. A leopard never changes its spots.

My heart goes out to everyone stuck in a situation like this, but YOU have to do something! YOU HAVE TO! We as women have rights and we should use them.

Previous posts on the subject:

Soapbox about abuse and relationships
What is abuse?

It is not normal to live in fear. It is not normal to wake up in cold sweat. The normal life should be where you are excited to spend time with your family. Where there is only love and happiness. Where abuse is only a rumor and things you read about in history books.

Love for animals?

By Arnia Kiara Oosthuizen

When I compiled my bucket list, I also tried to think about things that would fulfill my life, materialistic things don't make you happy, it's the memories and experiences that make you smile and truly happy. therefore I decided that I want to volunteer at Rehab center for animals that got hurt and nurse them back to health. It is number 9 on my bucket list.

This semester, we had to do a project in one of our Communication subjects. The project was that we had to design a communication plan for an NGO (Non Govermental Organisation). So, I thought about my bucket list and how can enrich my life at the same time, therefore I chose to do it about the SPCA (Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals).

The communication plan involves that we had to go and visit the NGO and find out what their needs are and how their communication (social-, mass- media, etc) are with stakeholders. We then had to design a plan to tel them exactly what needs to be change and what form of marketing they should use to help them reach their goal. We also had to tell them exactly what message they must send to each stakeholder group.

The SPCA has a lot of needs especially because it is winter here in South-Africa. They have a shortage of blankets, warm water bottles, and they always have a need for food for cats and dogs. They also have a need for a nice website, where they can regularly post about happenings and animals needing loving homes, where they will not be abused or neglected.

I have a very soft spot for animals and it makes me so sad to walk past cats and dogs, where they shy away because they are scared. Their owners had hurt them, how removed from your conscience must you be to hurt an animal who always is happy to see you. My dogs are always making weird sounds and jumping up and down to see me. They are ALWAYS happy to see me! How can you hurt an animal that has always loved you?

I want to show them that I am not like their owners, but that takes time. Therefore, I aim to spend more time at the SPCA, next semester, helping these animals and showing them that they can trust people again. I want to nurse them back to health.

This communication plan made me realize that I, a normal student, can make a difference in the lives of animals. I hope they use my communication plan, because it will help them to connect better with their stakeholders and also help them to fulfill their needs for the cold winter.

The things I learnt in my residence

By Arnia Kiara Oosthuizen

Open day at the residence

I stay in a very awesome hostel/residence. From my first year, up until now, I have learned a lot about staying in a residence.

• You get one toilet roll per week. TOILET ROLLS ARE GOLDEN! If you accidentally forget them in the bathroom, they will be gone by the time you go looking for them.
• Silence is not golden.
• It is totally acceptable to walk in pajamas all day long or slip into your pajamas any time of the day.
• Bathing is too much cleaning work (because people don't clean after themselves) and it takes too long to take a bath. SHOWER INSTEAD.
• The walls are thin. Watch what you say and keep your music down or you will have angry neighbors.
• There will be someone studying the same as you, so get yourself a study buddy to make things a bit easier.
• Buy some earplugs for noisy nights, when you would like to get some quality sleep.
• You will have a lot of friends, who stay in the residence, so doing projects can sometimes be hard when they pop in the whole time, get a lock for your door or a DO NOT DISTURB SIGN.
• Keep your room tidy, because you never know, who's gonna pop in.
• Having a tidy room, makes you more positive and feel task-oriented.
• If you go to sleep before 11 pm, people will ask you if you're sick. NO ONE SLEEPS EARLY.
• Watching scary movies is not great when returning to the residence. A residence is scary by nature.
• Watching a lot of series' is acceptable.
• Being up to date with ALL the movies and series is acceptable.
• Great food is scarce, mediocre food is normal.
• Having an almost empty fridge is common and not strange. Fridges mostly contain sauces and food that no one wants to eat.
• I would not have preferred to stay anywhere else, it is so much fun to participate in activities and all the friends one makes, makes life worth the while.

Living in a residence helps one make friends easily, but you are also part of something fun. Also, check out my post Things I learnt at university.

Please feel free to leave a comment :)

Working in a shoe shop

By Arnia Kiara Oosthuizen

Can we please have shoes?

As a student, we discover that money does, in fact, not grow on trees. Therefore, I got myself a holiday job to pass the time of a three month holiday and to earn a bit of money.

 I have worked at this shoe shop before and retail is not the best or most fun job in the world, but at least it's money.

Most of my co-workers are black and over this period of time that I have known them, they have taught me a lot. They are teaching me Zulu and Tswana, which is a lot of fun, because when I greet the people in their home language they immediately light up and talk to me, which is not so fun ( Because so far, I only know how to greet).

We are also trading food at work. They find my food very interesting. I have eaten chicken feet (which are not bad, it just doesn't have a lot of meat) and many other things I am still learning to pronounce and spell! WATCH THIS SPACE!

They always thought that white and indian people automatically have cancer, because of our immense hairloss (when sweeping the floors, there is a lot of hair lying on the ground).

Another thing they observed is the ring on my middle finger and asked if I was married. To them wearing a ring before marriage is a curse, which means you will never find a husband. And a ring on any finger means you're married or either looking for bad luck.

They are also trying to teach me to dance. Which in my opinion is a lost cause, because I have no rhythm and will never had. It seems that they automatically have the best rhythm!

These guys are making the job worth while and I am never without a smile when they are around.

Bullying never stops

By Arnia Kiara Oosthuizen

The wall of love in Paris, France.

Even as a 20 year old, I still experience bullying from people who believe they are better than the rest.

I stutter when I am stressed or in difficult situations. When I was in primary school, kids used to tease and bully me. The teachers came to my rescue and told the kids to stop.
But how long can teachers fend for a kid?

Looking back, I should've stood up for myself and not have been ashamed of stuttering. I should have ignored them or laughed at them for teasing me, because they are pathetic.

Bullying still happens. It happens in the form of seniors trying to degrade the self worth of first year students, through initiation in the hostel. It is absolutely disgusting and sad that they would lower themselves to that level. When I was a first year, the House Committee teased me because I stuttered. I had a little chat with them and they stopped.

What gain does one get to be the bully? Do you feel better about your sad life? Does it boost your self image? I will never understand it.

I believe if you consider yourself a good person, you should never look down on someone, unless you are helping them up.

Please feel free to leave a comment :)