Soapbox: Have you ever known fear?

By Arnia Kiara Oosthuizen

Have you ever woken up several times per night in cold sweat? Having dreams of being killed by the one person you feared most?

Why is Millenium Lady on her soapbox again? Because August is the month of Women Rights. Yes, this is a huge issue and a very relevant campaign that is creating awareness about women all over the world, who do not have rights or their rights aren't respected.

This was me a few years ago, when my biological dad was still present in my life. I knew how to walk on egg shells, just to not start a fight. Just to keep the peace. Just to remain in one piece. I was between 12 and 15 years old when I already knew these skills. Sad for a young teen to live a life like this. December the 6th, 2008, was the day when I said enough...

But this is the hard and cold reality. Domestic violence exists! Emotional manipulation exists! Verbal and physical abuse exists!

Marinda and me

This photo was taken at the age of two or three. We have been friends for literally our WHOLE lives. Our dads had the same personality... The verbal and emotional abuse was always a factor. Did we know it at the time? NO! We were still children, just trying to have a normal childhood.

I remember how I constantly lived in fear when visiting my dad every other weekend and everyday after school. Always wondering when the next fight will be, what it will be about and how bad will the fight be.

As a child, you always believe that your parents are perfect and you are the princess, but then you realize it was an illusion. That first time your biological father pulls out the gun, that first time he hits you, that first time when he grabs your stepmother around the neck... Yes, that is when you realize it was just an illusion. Your parents are just people. Normal and sometimes crazy.

But abuse is not okay! Whether it is verbal, emotional or physical... Never will it be okay! Not from a beggar, parent or the fucking king! Never! But YOU have to stand up. YOU have to say ENOUGH! The situation won't change unless YOU change it. The person won't ever change. A leopard never changes its spots.

My heart goes out to everyone stuck in a situation like this, but YOU have to do something! YOU HAVE TO! We as women have rights and we should use them.

Previous posts on the subject:

Soapbox about abuse and relationships
What is abuse?

It is not normal to live in fear. It is not normal to wake up in cold sweat. The normal life should be where you are excited to spend time with your family. Where there is only love and happiness. Where abuse is only a rumor and things you read about in history books.

Day 3: One of my greatest fears

By Arnia Kiara Oosthuizen

Today is day 3 of the #writersbootcampZA and the challenge is to write about One of my greatest fears. The challenge was given last night at 6 pm, since then I have done a bit of introspection about my greatest fears and which one stands out. Now, like I have mentioned on day 1, my big fear is the dark, but it is not my GREATEST FEAR!

My greatest fear is the fear of being MEDIOCRE

I don't want to be the girl in the crowd, who no one notices and just walks past without thinking or looking twice. I want the people to look, walk on and have the urge to just look back. 

I have always been afraid of being mediocre/normal/plain/unnoticeable and not being remembered.... I always had to do things to make me stand out from the crowd, to show that I am better. 

I have always imagined myself having an exotic job and an exotic life with a man who fits into the lifestyle with me. It can still come true, because I still have my whole life in front of me. I just have to dream big and everything I do, must be towards my goal. But yes, I am afraid of ending up behind a desk and no one even knows my name. I have this picture in my head, where I walk to the office next to me and I ask them a favor and they reply: "Sorry, but who are you?" I think I would die right there. 

I want to be the type of person you meet and afterwards you can't stop talking about how cool I am or how I have changed your perspective about things. I just want to be remembered. Am I crazy for feeling like this? 

I don't want to lead a normal life and I most certainly don't want to be normal. Yes, that is my greatest fear.

Love for animals?

By Arnia Kiara Oosthuizen

When I compiled my bucket list, I also tried to think about things that would fulfill my life, materialistic things don't make you happy, it's the memories and experiences that make you smile and truly happy. therefore I decided that I want to volunteer at Rehab center for animals that got hurt and nurse them back to health. It is number 9 on my bucket list.

This semester, we had to do a project in one of our Communication subjects. The project was that we had to design a communication plan for an NGO (Non Govermental Organisation). So, I thought about my bucket list and how can enrich my life at the same time, therefore I chose to do it about the SPCA (Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals).

The communication plan involves that we had to go and visit the NGO and find out what their needs are and how their communication (social-, mass- media, etc) are with stakeholders. We then had to design a plan to tel them exactly what needs to be change and what form of marketing they should use to help them reach their goal. We also had to tell them exactly what message they must send to each stakeholder group.

The SPCA has a lot of needs especially because it is winter here in South-Africa. They have a shortage of blankets, warm water bottles, and they always have a need for food for cats and dogs. They also have a need for a nice website, where they can regularly post about happenings and animals needing loving homes, where they will not be abused or neglected.

I have a very soft spot for animals and it makes me so sad to walk past cats and dogs, where they shy away because they are scared. Their owners had hurt them, how removed from your conscience must you be to hurt an animal who always is happy to see you. My dogs are always making weird sounds and jumping up and down to see me. They are ALWAYS happy to see me! How can you hurt an animal that has always loved you?

I want to show them that I am not like their owners, but that takes time. Therefore, I aim to spend more time at the SPCA, next semester, helping these animals and showing them that they can trust people again. I want to nurse them back to health.

This communication plan made me realize that I, a normal student, can make a difference in the lives of animals. I hope they use my communication plan, because it will help them to connect better with their stakeholders and also help them to fulfill their needs for the cold winter.

Soapbox about abuse and relationships.

By Arnia Kiara Oosthuizen

A few months ago, I wrote a post about 'What is abuse?'. Last night, I dreamed that I was back in my past life. I woke up in cold sweat and fear.

I have been thinking about my past life a lot, because I was helping a friend to also get out of her abusive relationship with her boyfriend.
Abuse doesn't only come in a physical form. It is verbal, financial, etc. Go and read this post Things abusers say and do. 
Why am I on my soapbox? Because abuse is NOT OKAY!!!

Everyday on campus, I see couples fighting. My friends tell me what their boyfriends said to them in a fight and all I can think about is ABUSE, ABUSE, MANIPULATION, ABUSE....

I didn't read in textbooks what abuse is. I had firsthand experience. My past life consisted of a verbal abusing, emotional manipulating biological father. At the age of 15, on the 6th December 2008, was the day that I decided NO MORE! I am DONE with being scared. I am DONE with being unhappy! I am DONE honoring my parents, like the Bible says, when my father doesn't honor me! 

A person will never make you fully happy. The right person can only add to your happiness. You have to realize that only you can make yourself happy. My favorite quote of all time is: Happiness is an inside job. -Anon. It took me a while to realize this. 

My first step to happiness in life, was when I chose that I am DONE with being unhappy. 

My baby sister, Mieka, was born on 21 December 2008. Merely, 15 days after I decided to choose happiness. She is my symbol of New Beginnings. She is beautiful and I am glad to call her my sister.

My mom raised me to be strong, to be open-minded and also that I have to determine my own happiness. No man or friend is going to do it for you. 

My mom, the most amazing dad and sister! I love my reconstructed family!

I cannot force my friends to walk out of their relationships, sometimes I wish I could, but everyone has to make that decision for themselves. Fool me once, shame on YOU! Fool me twice, shame on ME! 

This dream I had, really upset me and I thought this soapbox was needed. 

If you have any thoughts or comments, please feel free :)

How to deal with bullies

By Arnia Kiara Oosthuizen

Baby sis and I.

Bullying never stops, no matter what age you are, if your in a creche or at a workplace. Bullying never stops.

My 5 year old sister told me the other day that there are boys at her daycare, who bully her. I remember being that age and being bullied. The best way to deal with boys at that age is to pretend that you are going to kiss them. Run after them screaming "Kissing touchers!!!"

Another thing that also helps, is to IGNORE them. Obviously they are looking for a reaction and when they do not get the wanted attention, they will move on. When they are trying to bully you, look at them, but right through them, like they simply don't exist.

Unfortunately, it does not stop when we are older to 5. There are always power seekers and people trying to control you through fear. Dealing with them when you are older is not as easy as pretending that you are going to kiss them.

I still try to ignore the bullies and it works for a while, until they get bored again. Sometimes, when the bullying gets bad, you can report it to an higher authority to handle the situation.

BUT NEVER, EVER BECOME A BULLY!!!!!! Two wrongs do not make a right, EVER!

Also, read my posts Bullying never stops and What is abuse?

What is abuse?

By Arnia Kiara Oosthuizen

Soapbox Saturday.

Everyday on campus I see different forms of abuse. I see it when couples are fighting, when I hear about arguments my friends and their boyfriends had.

Abuse doesn't come in just a physical abuse form, but in many other forms. I read this wonderful article that defined most of the forms, which abuse comes in. Things abusers say and do. Click on this link to see the article.

SPCA- Beautiful poodle saved from abusive home

Abuse is not okay! The person who is abusing you will not change! EVER! No matter what they promise or do, a leopard never changes its spots. I speak out of experience and I definitely got the T-shirt.

If you are in an abusive relationship or know someone who is, here is Contacts to assist you.

Please feel free to leave a comment :)

Afraid in your own home

By Arnia Kiara Oosthuizen

Super Girl to the rescue

A few months ago, people broke into our house and stole a lot of things. After that, alarm systems and many other security measures were put into place in the house. But still with all these security measures, I still feel unsafe in our house

Yesterday, they broke in next door. I had a bad gut feeling the whole day. Then I heard a glass window break, but didn’t think too funny about it, because the people who live behind us, were drilling and hitting in nails in the walls, which made a huge noise. I thought they accidentally broke a window.

Later on we heard that they stole a lot of things next door, and I slept restlessly last night, because of all the worry.

All the creaks and noises of the house makes one jump and suspicious. Is it normal to feel scared in your own home. Is it normal to feel like one lives in a jail and yet still feel scared.